wet slivers 

slowly my body drowns

under nature’s touch

smacking skin

down to bone

and dripping down

my sins seep

into the ground

I wish I could feel

soft sand under

webbed feet

hot sun beating down

I can watch the flowers as they grow,

bursting from the skin of fallen snow,

putting every simple thing to shame;

and I can smell the dust after it rains.

In my dreams, I travel time and space

meeting every lone, forgotten face,

every soul is calm and without pain,

soothed by the smell of dust after it rains.

So, whenever the rain begins to pour

just close your eyes and think of petrichor.

and when the storm creeps back from whence it came,

taste the warm smell of dust after the rain.

it was a great fire

consuming

flesh freckled with ash

too quick to scream,

they are

consumed,

too young to die,

they are

murdered,

by loving father’s hand.

and banging on clouded glass

and locked door,

she begs and pleads for their lives,

to hold them in her arms,

to take them far far away.

she blames herself,

unable to save them as

the glass shatters

the boom echoes

consuming fire

burning them alive

father and

sons and

flame

~

(Photo above by John Froschauer / Associated Press)

I wrote this poem this morning after reading one of the headlines in the LA Times about the suicide-murder in Washington, where Josh Powell set his home on fire during a scheduled visitation with his two young sons.

Powell was under investigation for the disappearance of his wife Susan two years ago, and had just lost main custody of his two sons – Braden, five years old, and Charles, seven years old. The night his wife disappeared during a snowstorm in Utah, Powell loaded his two sons into his car for what he called a “midnight camping trip”, and his wife has not been seen since. Recently, the two boys started recollecting what had happened that night, revealing that their mother was in the trunk of the car, and that their father and mother went into the woods and she never came out.

On the morning of the fire incident, a Child Protective Services worker brought the two boys to Powell’s home in Graham, Washington, but once she began to follow the children into his home, Powell shut and locked the door. Smelling gas and fearing for their safety, the worker notified her supervisor and then called 911 right as the fire began. She pounded on the doors and windows to no avail; the fire burned quickly, killing Powell and his two sons. Utah police believe the fire was intentionally started by Powell and is as good as a confession to his wife’s disappearance; they have vowed that this incident will not end the search for Susan Powell.

I think what affected me the most was reading that the Child Protective Services worker was “being treated for ‘grave emotional trauma’”. I cannot even imagine the sense of helplessness she must have felt as she watched the house burst into flames, knowing that no matter how hard she tried, she could not save those little boys she had seen just moments earlier. I could feel her pain resonate inside me. I empathized with her and knew I had to write this poem. My heart goes out to the family and friends of the two young boys and their missing mother.

A candlelight vigil for Braden and Charles at the elementary school they attended. (Ted S. Warren / Associated Press)

Read the full stories here:

Explosive fire kills husband, two sons of missing Utah woman

Utah police vow to continue probe into Susan Powell’s disappearance

love, it is the searing

monster mouth of hell dreams

that plague me on sleepless nights.

it isn’t supposed to make sense,

is it?

laying

on

vast stretches of

echoing echoing echoing caverns

you and I can

only

utter sweet nothings

I’m not interested in the same things that the majority of my classmates are interested in. I don’t want to go out and get wasted every Saturday night when I’m not legally allowed to. I don’t want to smoke cigarettes, weed, or do any other drug that could seriously damage my health. I don’t want to hook up with a ton of guys. I don’t want to skip class just because I’m tired or apathetic or want to do something else.

I’m not saying I don’t get along with people my age, but I just feel disconnected from them, in general. I don’t believe I’m terribly shy, I just feel odd trying to have a real conversation with my peers. It’s hard for me to make too many friends in my classes because I’m personally not interested in gossip, sorority/fraternity parties or events, or where to get the best alcohol or weed.

I’d rather read books for hours than go party. I’d rather write than smoke hookah. I’d rather go out and explore than drive around drunk after pre-gaming for the club. Personally, I’d rather go to work and study for classes instead of ignoring my responsibilities and get kicked out of school because of my terrible decisions.

I honestly can’t believe the behavior I’ve seen from people my age. It’s embarrassing to watch. I’m not saying people shouldn’t go out and have fun with their friends, or experiment, but why don’t my peers think before they act? It’s your own fault if you are expelled or become sick from unprotected sex or binge drinking.

I wish they weren’t so careless. I wish they respected their own bodies, their health, and their minds. I wish they could realize they have so much potential to be future leaders and to be extremely intelligent and successful. I think, however, everyone believes the college years are dispensible, throw-away years when one can do whatever they please just because they feel entitled to the independence of becoming 18 and not living directly under one’s parents’ roof.

All I want to do is grow as a person, learn as much as I can, work hard, and prepare myself for a life as a wife, mother, and successful woman in whatever career I choose. I don’t care about the stereotypical “college-age” activities that are supposed to help me transition from childhood to adulthood.

So, no, I don’t want to smoke with you. I don’t want to drink with you until I’m comfortable with it and it’s legal. And I don’t want to party with all the frat boys and sorority chicks.

Maybe it’s just me.

Haven’t updated this in a while, mostly because it’ was the first week of school for me, which was very exciting C: My first day back it rained in Long Beach. I was able to escape the rain by taking refuge in our gorgeous library, where I checked out a new book to read…yeah I know I’m a nerd C: The two pictures above were taken at my dorms, which are surrounded by tall trees, bright green grass, and a have picturesque view of the giant blue pyramid where our basketball court is located.

Everything on campus seemed so much more vibrant in the rain. I had missed it so much during winter break. I loved having the opportunity to reconnect with my family and friends, but CSULB stole my heart last year. It’s my happy place.

Winter break was amazing for me! I saw my family in Joshua Tree and got to spend Christmas with my brother again. I was able to come back Christmas Day and give presents to the rest of my family. Then, I went to Yosemite with my boyfriend and his family, which was incredibly gorgeous, even though it didn’t snow like we anticipated.

That’s me by lower Yosemite falls, and then my boyfriend and I at tunnel view :)

All in all, it was an amazing vacation, and even though the weather was a little bi-polar in Orange County (raining one day, hot and sunny the next), it was good to be home.

But I’m happy to be back at school, my second home. It felt weird to be gone, and I feel a lot more at peace now that I’m getting back into the groove of things.

I’ve also been writing a lot for a little novel idea that’s been bouncing around in my head! I hope to finish it by the end of the year :)

Anyway that’s a little update on my life…I have a few ideas for this blog bouncing around my head too, of what I want to post and where I want to go with it.

So, here’s to the uncertain future ahead – I’m excited the semester has begun, and I can’t wait to see what happens :)

~megan

My blog’s theme is set up in such a way that I can upload custom headers and have a random header show on each page (or when you refresh!) I’ve been going a little editing crazy and have three ones that I like very much, so with each new page you’ll be given one of these three headers! I love it :)